You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
