The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
