I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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