She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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