i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
