you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
