Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
