in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
