new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize