Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
