Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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