I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize