weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
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He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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