the condom got lost in my hair
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
