Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
