from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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