You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
