You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
