I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize