Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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