I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
