PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
