come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
