we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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