She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
