yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
