I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
