mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
