Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
