So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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