I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So squirting runs in the family.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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