I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
