Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
