i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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