yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
