Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
