My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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