spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
