Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
