i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
