you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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