I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
