Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
