if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
