My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
