My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
