At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just puked most of my soul out..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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