some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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