I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
