I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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