Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
