so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
