i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize