so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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