You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
