Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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