marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
