we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
