Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
