need another drink. this is the easiest way
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
